im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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