It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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