Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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