So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize