i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
