never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
