Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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