Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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