Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she smelled like a LAN party
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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