Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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