Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
