um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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