On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
