News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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