Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
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I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
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I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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