Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize