you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
