i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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