been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
