I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Damn victory sex feels great
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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