Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
4 words: hood of his car
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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