I can tuck mytits in my pants
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
