Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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