People with herpes should wear stickers.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
