summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
