so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
