I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
