he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How external is "for external use only"?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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