Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
