I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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