your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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