I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
