I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
