Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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