Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
