I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
should my penis look like a turkey
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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