You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
