hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
