Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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