We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
