someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
