She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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