Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i drank out of a bidet.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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