I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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