giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
