You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
