Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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