i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
