I just saw a hot homeless man
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
