Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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