Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
