Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
