Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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