you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
