You can't motorboat a personality
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
