My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
