In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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