pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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