That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
