I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
