better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she told me i tasted like america
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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