whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize