he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
