Say something about gay babies.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
