i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
even my farts smell like vagina
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
