what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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