Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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